13. Bread. What your grandma thinks Zohran wants.
Things to Click already nailed the best one, but this one I pulled is fun as well. Lots of great lines.
satire
10 postsPosts tagged with satire
A Review of Director Ka$h Patel’s FBI Bourbon
It’s certainly a rare bourbon, the kind of bottle you only get by calling in lots of favors (or having something really damning on your supplier). But is the Director Ka$h Patel Kash Patel FBI Director edition Woodford Reserve bourbon destined to sit alongside a King of Kentucky 17-year? A Heaven Hill 22? Or a POTUS 47? We’ll have to wait and see. You’ll know because we’ll tell you. It’s doing a great job. It’s a critical part of your liquor cabinet. Even though you might not see it back there, hiding behind taller bottles, it’s suited for regular, if not excessive, drinking.
I love that the President who doesn't drink seems to have a thing for bringing on wimpy, whiny, alcoholic men who were bullied too much in kindergarten into his administration. Do these fools do anything all day besides attempting to convince people they shouldn't be fired?
If Every Congressman Facing Credible Rape Allegations Resigned, We’d Have No One Left to Govern the Country
It’s naïve to imagine the government can continue to function without the tireless dedication of our best and brightest rapists. ... The American voter isn’t stupid. They know what they’re getting into when they cast a vote for a man. ... In other words, we, the American people, were asking for it.
There are way too many perfect lines in this piece. I can't pick just one.
The Merlin Bird ID app is now the Merlin Fight ID app
Whether you’re a frightened child wondering if your parents are teetering on the precipice of divorce, a hard-of-hearing person worried about missing the nuances of under-the-breath barbs, or simply fed up with listening to your coworkers bicker, our app will do the work of listening to and analyzing any argument for you. We plan to add more categories of arguments, culturally specific approaches to conflict resolution, and, eventually, a Polymarket feature that lets users live-stream a fight in progress while others gamble on the outcome in real time.
As I've gotten older and gotten into birds a bit, this does an excellent job at breaking down the moment we are in as a society.
ICE Agents Just Making Sure They’re the Only Terrorists at Airport
Could you imagine how sad it would be if a foreign terrorist destroyed or ended your life instead of domestic one? Not on our watch.
Would be funny if it weren't so true.
💸 My Fellow Americans, We Are Richer Than Ever Before. Well, You Aren’t, but We Are
My fellow Americans, despite what everyone else says, we are living in the golden age of America. Not your golden age, though. My golden age. As in: I am very old, and everything I own is either solid gold or gold-plated or painted in gold to make it seem like it’s real gold.
Honestly, I’m not actually sure if this is funny given it’s basically a fact-based reporting. Or at the very least, more factual than anything coming out of this administration.
